At first glance, 2013 didn't seem like much of a vintage year of quality cinema for me, with quite a few disappointments in the event movie calendar. But on reflection there have been some hidden gems and a couple of guilty pleasures along with the few really high achievers. So, never one to knowingly leave a bunch of random thoughts unlisted, here's my personal top ten movies of 2013.*
10: Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa: Excruciating, absurd and eye-wateringly hysterical. The Roachford mime-along is a thing of sublime beauty.
9: Pacific Rim: Is this the dumbest awesome movie ever made, or the awesomest dumb movie ever made? And if a hundred meter tall robot beats the shit out of a three-thousand ton monster using a ship as a club and there is no-one there to hear it, does it make a sound? YES. A FUCKING LOUD ONE!
8: All Is Lost: Absolutely the year's best lone-survivor-marooned-thousands-of-miles-from-help-with-ship-disintegrating-around-them drama.... that didn't star Sandra Bullock.
7: Zero Dark Thirty: NOT a defence of torture or America's foreign policy, but simply a rigorous, nail-biting and thrilling retelling of the shit that went down in the USA's hunt for its most-wanted, and a portrait of the tough and resourceful woman at the eye of that particular storm.
6: The Kings Of Summer: 2013's breakout hit that never was. Great early whispers and then... nothing. Three boys take off and build a home in the woods to live as they please... for a while. An inspired mix of Lord Of The Flies, Stand By Me and even Son Of Rambow, this is a breezy, raw and refreshing tale of friendship and all that growing-up stuff. Seek it out.
5: A Hijacking (Kapringen): The year's OTHER hijacking movie, and a fictional tale that plays even more documentary-like than the true-story of Captain Phillips. Alternating between a long drawn-out siege on board ship, and the strained, claustrophobic negotiations on land. This Danish drama takes its time, and carefully underplays the melodrama, to eventually devastating effect.
4: Blue Is The Warmest Colour (La vie d'Adèle): Yes, it's that briefly notorious Cannes winner. You know, the three-hour French drama with all the explicit lesbian nookie? Well, it's beautiful, heartfelt, totally consuming and propelled by a staggeringly open and mature emotional performance from its young, brilliant lead actress. Spellbinding.
3: Captain Phillips: Back to sea for the third time in this top ten. A massive ship, some pirates, immense tension, brilliantly orchestrated action, and two leads, one a total newcomer, one absolute Hollywood royalty, who push each other to remarkable performances. The final scene from Hanks might be the best acting moment of the year (apart from the whole of Lincoln, which I'm discounting as it was clearly, actually Lincoln).
2: The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Bigger, Faster, Funnier, Scarier. It may still be a bloated behemoth, groaning under the weight of all the myriad ideas that Jackson and his team can throw at it. But this time, directed, or perhaps more confidently edited, with a bravura, joyous, kinetic abandon. Almost as good as Lord Of The Rings, more fun than almost anything else all year.
1: Gravity: A simple, lone-survival adventure, pared to the barest bones for maximum edge-of-the-seat thrills, and then wrapped up in a quantum-leap of visual FX, sound-design and 3D perfection for ninety minutes of jaw-on-the-floor astoundment.
(*NB: based on 2013 UK general releases as best as I can ascertain, and not including feature documentaries, which I suspect I may tackle separately, in fact, I just have done)
Special Achievement (or Underachievement) Awards:
1: Funniest Scene Of The Year: Iron Man Three - Questioning The Mandarin: This movie was pushed a little outside my top ten as I found the final act rather uninspired. But for all the time that Tony Stark was kept out of the suit, Shane Black's wisecracking script, married to RDJ's hyperactive motor-mouth was a joy to behold, and nowhere more so than in this scene where Sir Ben's agenda is revealed.
2: Worst Geography: Thor: The Dark World: Yes, fine, I can buy a couple of jet fighters over London being sucked through a wormhole into Svartálfaheimr, the underworld realm of the dark elves, that's just dandy. But you CAN NOT get from Charing Cross to Greenwich in three stops on the underground, NO NO NO. back to school the lot of you.
3: Most Honourable Failure: Cloud Atlas: (sigh) Multi-stranded, epoch straddling metaphysical ambition. A magnificent, touching performance from Ben Wishaw, beguiling otherworldly sweetness from Doona Bae, stunning future-Seoul visuals and the best orchestral score of the year by a mile. But then there's Tom Hanks geezering up a role that Danny Dyer could actually have played better! Tons of absurd makeup, Hugo Weaving cross-dressing (and not in a Priscilla Queen Of The Desert good way), the least convincing Scottish bar in film history, and The Mighty Boosh seemingly called in to act out all the post apocalyptic stuff. Honestly, I suspect I will go to my grave TRYING to love this film.
4: Biggest Disappointment Of The Year: Man Of Steel: Let me be clear, I am not saying that this is the worst film of the year. Far from it. But when it comes to hope vs. reality, nothing let me down this year more than Man Of Steel. It breaks down like this. Act One: Magnificent. All the stuff on Krypton is beautiful, mythic, and set up Superman's origin and back-story better than any previous iteration. So far, very impressive. Act Two: Perfectly solid. The young Clark Kent growing up and learning life-lessons in his blue-jean middle-America adoptive life is gently paced and decently acted. However it just isn't as rich and heartfelt as the exact same take on the story delivered in 1978. Act Three: Awful. An endless, repetitive destructathon that sorely undermines Superman's essential charm and character by having him utterly ignore the thousands that must be dying as half a city is flattened, and it just keeps pummelling away till numbness takes over. This might have been mitigated if the movie had any sense of fun about it, but, save for one solitary visual gag, Man Of Steel is quite the most dour Superhero movie I have ever seen. The Dark Knight is a natural fit for conflicted sour-faced moodiness, Kal-El however is not, and I just needed him, and the writers to lighten up once in a while. Pacific Rim is probably a dumber movie, but it's ten times more fun.
5: The What-The-Hell-Did-I-Just-Watch? Mindfuck Of The Year Award: A Field In England: A film I actually really liked, but I will never, ever, be able to explain why.
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